Can it be a happy ending?
by mika-niiet
Summary: After a live, the tired Reita is trying to fall asleep when the doorbell rings. It won't stop so he getsup and opens up, furious, Just to find a nervous Aoi standing in fron of him. Because he has something he needs to share. What can that be?
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Can it be a happy ending?  
**Author:** Mika Kashii Haine  
**Band:** The Gazette  
**Pairing:** Aoi x Reita, Reita x ?  
**Rating:** PG13  
**Genre:** Angst  
**Chapters:** 1/?  
**Warning:** Cursing  
**Disclaimer:** Do not own anyone.  
**Summary:** "You should control yourself."  
**Note:** I've had this for some time. I just didn't know how to finish it. How it should be going. I still don't quite know. Not for sure. But I ended it. And here it is. First chapter and all. In the beginning it was supposed to be a one shot. But I didn't want that. So yeah. I don't know what to say. It's just something I wanted to write. So please read and comment. Thanks.

"Man." Reita growled loudly to himself. Obviously annoyed. Stomping toward the closet he cursed at himself for not putting on new sheets when he ripped off the old ones this morning. Tired from the live. The blonde grabbed the handle, and pulled the closet open with force. Almost ripping it down at the same time. Pulling out whatever was there. Smashing the door shut. Running back to his bed. Hastily making the bed. There. Then he threw his body on the bed. Before crawling under the covers and snuggling more against the cold wall. Not too close. Just right where he liked it. Eyes fell shut. Breathe slowed down. Drifting into sleep.

Ding dong. Reita's doorbell annoyingly rang. Pissing off the dead tired, already mad, man. Grabbing the covers. Pulling it over his head. Ignoring the intrusion. But it didn't stop. Crushing his eyes tightly shut. Clenching his fists. Gritting teeth. He rolled over and dashed out of bed. Ran out the bedroom door, through the narrow corridor all the way to the front door. With a strong grip, he unlocked the door to pull it open.

"What the hell? It better be someone dying!" Reita spat fiercely before he even knew who it was. But noticed fast that he was yelling at the dark haired guitarist, Aoi.

"Bad timing..?" A nervous whisper left his friends lips. Aoi sucked his bottom lip. Tugging at the hem of his shirt, like a little child.

"You better make it fast before I get a sudden urge to blow my anger out on you. Dammit, Aoi. We just had a fucking live. I'm deadly tired. Can't you come back tomorrow?!" The mad, younger man began closing the door before he heard the other man's reply.

Aoi quickly slipped inside. "Please let me sleep with you then? Then I'll tell you tomorrow. Please, Reita. I can't take it anymore.." At the edge of whining. Tears ready to fill his beautiful eyes. Reita hated it when the others did that. They always did when they had to make him agree. But Reita understood, underneath his anger, that Aoi wasn't kidding.

"Whatever, fine. Do what you want. Sleep wherever. Just. Do. Not. Wake. Me. Up." Pointing his index finger at the taller man. Warning him before running back to the bedroom. His body was freezing. Walking around in his boxer when being so tired, was destined to freeze him to the bone. Snuggling back to where he usually lay. Sleep came easily.

Left behind in the hallway. The guitarist chuckled a little by how the half naked Reita had groaned then run away. In two movement he had slipped his sneakers of. At first he hesitated, before he went to lie down on the couch. Pulling the blanket over him. Freezing. Reita's apartment was always freezing at night. Even though Reita had enough money not to worry about the electricity bills being too high, he always turned the heaters all the way down at night. It had been like that since he was young and living at home. It stuck with him as a bad habit. Aoi tossed around a few times. Before he got up and walked to the bedroom door. Hands hesitating to slide it open. But he thought. If he were quiet, nothing bad would happen. Bad, as in waking up Reita. So he sneaked in. Deciding to take off his clothes. Leaving them in a neat pile by the bed side. Not like the bassist. Which had thrown clothes all around the room. Aoi thought he better leave the t-shirt on, and then he crawled in. snuggled as clothes as he dared. Feeling warm to the bones. With his heart fluttering a little.

Stretching, slowly. Feeling it in every single muscle. The blonde slowly blinked his eyes open to get used to the light. Tossing and turning until he figured sleep wouldn't come back. Though he were still quite exhausted. Placing his naked feet on the cold floor, Reita went to his drawer to pick out a new pair of boxers before running to the shower. His bathroom connected with the bedroom. Just as the door shut, Reita had stepped out of his boxers. In the shower he turned the heat rapidly up. Reita loved to warm up in the shower. Such a nice, tingling feeling. Letting the water run all over his overly tense body. After cleaning and rinsing, from top to toe, Reita turned of the shower and grabbed a towel. Drying himself and pulling on the clean boxers. Reita stared at the mirror. Leaning closer and wiggling his exposed nose. Wondering if he should put on the noseband and maybe some clothes.

"It's a day off. I'll just end up watching movies and play video games alone. Unless something else comes along. I can dress up then." Reita reasoned with himself. Figuring he perhaps should have to stop talking to himself. Thinking he was forgetting something important. He shrugged off the feeling and decided to go get some coffee to wake up properly. On the way the bassist grabbed a shirt he proposed was clean. And stepped out in to the hall.

Aoi heard the door slam shut. Inhaling some air to calm down. Getting ready to face the hopefully cheerful bassist.

Half way into the kitchen. The blonde stopped in his tracks and frowned. Staring curiously at the other.

"How, and why?" Was all he got out. "How did he get in, and why did he get in", is what Reita meant to ask. Staring curiously at the guitarist seated at his kitchen table with a cup of coffee in his hands.

"You don't remember?" Aoi's mouth dropped open. "You let me in last night, moron." Aoi said in a passive tone. But sounding like he was somewhat annoyed now.

"I did?" Reita pondered. "Why..?" Moving from his spot he went and opened the fridge. Stopping to stare at the ceiling for a moment. His brain cells working like crazy, even this early in the morning, to bring back last night. Slowly. Pieces came back and put the puzzle together. "Oh, now I remember." Mumbling slowly. More to himself that to Aoi. He grabbed a yoghurt he were sure had wanted him to eat it. Plumping down next to Aoi. Fidgeting by the close presence of the other. Aoi was. "Spill it, Aoi. I'm not sure how much patience I have and how social I can be today. At least not this early in the morning." Opening the yoghurt, digging the spoon in it, then bringing it thoughtfully to his mouth. Spacing out for a second ad the delicious strawberry flavour filled his mouth and played at his tongue before he swallowed it.

"Why are you always angry with me, Rei?" A quiet whimper left the other mans throat. Barely. His nails digging into the palm of his hand. It didn't hurt. Not like the strange feeling in his chest. Nails just went deeper. A bad habit, Reita knew and grabbed the dark heads hand.

"You should control yourself. You're not a kid. Stop hurting yourself with that fucking bad habit, Aoi. It pisses me off when you do it." Sounding angrier than what he had meant to. "Sorry, Aoi. I didn't mean it. I just don't like people hurting themselves." And a ghostly, hazy loo got the better of the blonde's facial lines. Remembering a certain someone. That one person Reita had worked really hard to forget.. started to fill every single corner of his mind. Even the body remembered the burning touches. That sensation. Those sensual words that was whispered into his ear. Some time ago. A burning heat that never left his body. Not even now. Perhaps it was fickle, but some where deep inside, it still burned. Intimate times when he was hold closely and the other sang. He sang. And he was the only one who heard. Those rainy days when the depression seeped in, they would stay in bed. And he was told it was all okay. It all came back. With no intention to leave right away.

Jumping from his seat. Reita headed for the television. Popping in some cables here and there. Fishing out a controller. Placing himself on the floor. Feeling the cold, he shuddered and hurried around the apartment to turn up every heater. Grabbed a blanket and sat back down in front of the starting game. Tekken 5. Beating up some people, though only visually, without doubt it always cheered him up.

Aoi stared longingly at the blondes back. Not sure what pushed his buttons. Never in their friendship had he seen such a sad and depressed expression on their bassists face. But Reita didn't like to share things about him. He said the past wasn't important. Always laughing off the others efforts to find out something about his old self. Turning the tables. Always. Making them rather talk about themselves.

Some minutes passed. Reita played. Aoi slowly sipped his coffee. Searching his mind for everything he knew about Reita. There wasn't much. Just normal stuff. Like his family status. Where he's lived. Favourite music, game, manga, food, actor, TV show, and such. But those things don't matter. Or so Aoi thought to himself. He didn't know how he had been when he was young. What he has done. Fun things. Sad things. Aoi didn't know a thing about this man he's played with for 4 years something. Shit, that's a long time. "Why won't you share your heart Reita?" Aoi mumbled lowly to himself. Staring at the other man's back. As if he only had to stare long enough and he'd see through to his heart.

"Man. It was un-cool of me to lose it in front of Aoi. I better hurry up and apologize." Scratching his head. Reita got up. Switched off the TV and game. Straitening up and walked steadily toward Aoi.

"Sorry, man. I'm just really tired, you know. Didn't get much sleep either." Reita rambled on. Staring firmly into Aoi's eyes. Almost embarrassing the older man. Without him knowing that, of course.

"Ah, no, I'm sorry for bothering you when you don't feel like socializing." Words leaving softly from Aoi's pretty lips. Half a smile. Not too cocky, not too sad.

"If you know, why did you come?" Perhaps a taste of irritations, but a rather soft groan. Scratching his neck, glancing between the ceiling and Aoi. "Can you please just get the fuck over with it, hm? And I don't quite get why you can't just tell me in the studio, cause we see each other everyday. Almost. It's not like you haven't been able to tell me then. So please, tell me now. Since it's our day off, I bet you have plenty of other things to do. So spit it out and be on your way, nee?!." Reita cracked smile. Half jokingly. But whether he'd been serious at all, only Reita knew.

With a million things going through his head. Aoi started to nervously shake and looked down at the coffee cup between his hands. Harder. His hands. It was like they were determinedly trying to crush the cup. Break it to pieces. And all these feeling Aoi had kept inside himself for all too many years. Suppressing them and fooling himself that it was not anything serious. Waking up everyday and thinking soon it will go away. Soon. Soon. But it never disappeared. When it came down to it. All that comes to mind is. Your voice, facial expressions and your hands leaping up and down the bass's neck. It's some very happy feelings. He tries to put it into words. But he's always just hid them somewhere inside his heart were no one could find them. And here he stands. Wanting to say something. The pressure to say something is high. But all that comes to mind. All that hammers in his head are these three, never so simple words.

"I love you." Is what hammered in his head. And it hammered on. And on. Over and over again. Until he spilled it all out. And here they came. All the years of worrying. Happy feelings. Sad breakdowns. All inside himself. Never sharing. Not telling a soul. Here it is. What are you going to do with this, Reita? It's not something to misunderstand. And it's not something you can push away. Feelings that have build for a long time. What will you do? Aoi is about to burst. You better take it seriously.

you said you never would be gone. But you are. And I whisper a sad goodbye.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** Can it be a happy ending?  
**Author:** Mika  
**Beta:** thethirdstone  
**Band:** The Gazette  
**Pairing:** Aoi x Reita, Reita x ?  
**Rating:** PG13  
**Genre:** Angst  
**Chapters:** 2/?  
**Warning:** Cursing?  
**Disclaimer:** Do not own anyone.  
**Summary:** He weakly punched the steering wheel over and over and over again until he gave up, until there was no more anger inside him.  
**Note:** Ahhh... I've been trashing this chapter so many times by now and changed the story line so much, I'm not really sure anymore.. This wasn't really how it was supposed to be. But oh well, what do you know.. Please comment

The shock penetrated his frustrated mind making his body go stiff, unable to move. He was speechless as he tried to understand, register, those words just spoken by a very sad guitarist. He stood in one place, staring at the other one, feeling lost, silence wrapping around like a suffocating hand around his throat. It all happened so fast.

As soon as he figured out what had been said and what the meaning of the words was, furious tears pressed on in the corner of narrowed eyes, glaring down at the fidgeting brunette whose eyes widened. His hands wrapped into fists, he grit his teeth and felt anger welling up inside of him and it was nothing like a little frustration or bitterness. Pure rage consumed the young man. Without any care for the visible tears in dark orbs he stomped towards the other, pulling him up by the arm. Surprised, the cup lingered in his hands and he unconsciously let it go as he got yanked up from his seat.

The cup broke into pieces and its content spilled across the kitchen tiles but neither of them took notice. Reita was busy dragging the other across his apartment, and Aoi was busy trying to move his feet, and then they reached the door.

Unlocking it, a harsh push made the dumbfounded Aoi stumble backwards. He was unable to speak, and given no opportunity to do so either, a pair of shoes came flying landing somewhere close to him. Door smacked shut with a loud bang, its frame vibrating ever so slightly.

He stared at the closed door for a few moments then ran up those few steps and banged loudly, screaming to be let in.

No response. His voice cut off his hands resting on the surface, fingers brought into fists. He was scared; what if his confession broke everything off and that would be it? No more friends, no more of the band? It can't be...

Picking up his shoes, he walked down the stairs, across the parking lot only in clothed feet until he reached his car.

He got in, put his key in the ignition but didn't start the car yet, the first tears falling and the first sobs heard through the silence. He weakly punched the steering wheel over and over and over again until he gave up, until there was no more anger inside him.

Up in the apartment, a certain bassist was broken down on the floor between the kitchen and the living room. Unable to move, crying violently, banging his head repeatedly into the wooden floor. Shrilling screams penetrated his body and it cut through the lonely apartment bathed in the daylight, his body shaking uncontrollably.

"Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?" Words mingled and jumbled leaving trembling lips. His brain was working on top speed, filled with memories of a past better yet forgotten, and yet too sweet for him to ever stop loving. His one. His only. His drug and addiction. The only one he'd ever let himself obsess over. One single soul he'd only give his all to. And that name leaves his quivering lips. Time has passed and sped by. So many days have passed since he allowed himself to speak name again, and it made him smile between the tears.

Scrambling to his unstable feet, half walking, half crawling, he made it to the fridge, pulled out a water bottle, some pills shoved into the back of a kitchen drawer, and he took on the journey to his darkened bedroom.

Shaky fingers got a pill out of the box, pushed it past plush lips and swallowed it along with the cold water. For a second tears were forgotten and he lied there in utter silence. A silence he had gotten used to again, since a few years ago. Back when he had nothing else to do but accept that his room would never again be filled with his love. Soothing himself with the fact that at least the room inside of his vulnerable body wouldn't be empty, but overflow with that love for him. Even though it's the end and the end can never be undone.

Knocks on the door pulled the sleeping blonde from his temporarily slumber. A sleep he had sometimes hoped would last forever but then he'd remember those words and all the things he had yet to see, people to meet, and places to go. So those thoughts would slip from his mind, knowing the day would come. So he broke out of the dreams he had been floating inside of.

Blinking, he rubbed his tired eyes. Groggy and for the moment unaware of the happenings between him and the guitarist. With lazy movements, the blonde pulled on his jeans and a black t-shirt that seemed clean enough. His naked feet led him to the door where the knocking had stopped. When he opened, Reita was greeted by a sheepish smile from his childhood friend at whom he merely stared at with his blank expression.

"Good morning! Did you oversleep again? You seem a bit lost.." He sang with his sing-song-happy voice while he pushed his way past Reita whose eye was twitching from the cheery tone of his friend.

"What are you doing here?" Was the only thing he wanted an answer to.

"What the hell, Rei? It's fucking 09:30AM something-something, you were supposed to pick me up on the way to practice! And now we're both late!! Kai will fucking stomp on us and crush us under his heel for fuck's sake!" Now it was Uruha who started to get angry at how clueless the other man seemed to be about the whole situation.

"But... is it already morning?" Reita scratched his head like only a moron would do. His eyes flickered up at the ceiling, thoughtfully, like he was thinking really hard about something.

Stupefied, Uruha's mouth dropped open. By now his patience was actually running dry, sure he himself was slow when it came to most things, but the way Reita acted now was almost on the level of a kindergarten kid trying to solve math questions.

"What's wrong with you today?" The question came before a second thought could form inside his head. "No, wait, I don't want to know." He dismissed it, waving his hand in front of the other man and shook his head furiously "Go put on some socks, find your jacket, and whatever you need to get by." Leaving no room for arguments, his hands grasped the other shoulders and pushed him into the bassist's bedroom.

Seconds later, with no more words shared between them, Reita had decent clothes on and his bag over his shoulder. They were standing outside the apartment door, finally, locking up and eventually with a relived sigh from Uruha's part, they walked down the stairs and towards Reita's car.

Pulling up outside of PSC after something Uruha personally thought could compete with forever, he hastily got out of the car and practically ran towards the entrance door while muttering words only meant for him to hear.

Shaking his head, Reita soon followed far behind the fleeing guitarist with a smile that had found its way on his lips. His eyes fixated the blue sky above him, decorated with a few heavy clouds that couldn't possibly bring anything good with them.

He didn't know it, but behind him stood a brunette who was staring at the back of the man he had confessed to the morning before. In his dry throat a lump formed as he wanted to call out the other's name. But the reaction that might come from that, considering it would be anything like yesterday morning, he didn't want to even let a whisper be blown with the wind. Standing still, the seconds ticked by at a snail's pace while that man of his dreams stood dangerously still. Only meters away. So close, that he felt like the other could hear the beats of his racing heart. But still so far that he couldn't simply reach out a hand and he'd be grasping an arm, clutching a shoulder or fisting his shirt. Before he could make up his mind on what to do, the man in front of him started to walk and the distance between them increased drastically. Time was moving freely again. Without even making up his mind, he acted upon his heartbeat.

"Wait, Akira!" Echoed the loud scream of Aoi's deep voice. With an arm outstretched like a fool, standing put in his spot, he watched how the other man stopped in his tracks.

But he wouldn't turn around, because last night just slapped him in the face with the force of Aoi's voice. He only stopped because his name was called but he wouldn't turn around because he felt guilty for how he treated his friend. Trying to swallow that lump in his throat that only got bigger the more he feared what was to come now that he had been caught a hold of. Which words of importance to Aoi would be spoken into the air?

"Can't you give me a chance...? Just one chance.. I know I can make you happy. Please... you won't know if you don't try." He didn't mean to, but the words became more pleading than he wanted them to, needier, sounding more desperate. But in reality, that's exactly how he felt.. Needy and the despair made him beg for what he wanted. "Akira... Akira.. please look at me. I want you to look at me..." He pleaded again, his hands limp on his sides. The need to touch the other made him start decreasing the distance that had been between them. He might have pleaded for the other, but to Reita, his words weren't convincing, weren't important, at all.

Unintentionally, Reita had let his gaze fall down on the dirty asphalt, on the dirty road he always walked down every day. But then the blonde lifted his head and faced the sky with closed eyes then, a moment after opened them halfway as he searched the sky for something it didn't have. Then the first sign of rain hit him, a raindrop solely crashed on this weary face. It trailed down and then more drops came from the sky, rain came pouring down on them. Drops of rain mingled with the tears that now streamed down, tears he never gave permission to come out. His shoulders started to shiver while his fingers clutched to his arms, his nails dug painfully into the flesh. He heard the footsteps on the asphalt getting closer, the rain falling harder, louder in his head and his heart beating in uneven fear. Dashing forward with all his might, with all the energy he had left in his drained body, he ran. And he ran so fast, so far, without any destination. Just let his feet lead him to wherever they wanted to take him. If he only could go anywhere with them.

Some place far away would be nice.

"AKIRAAA!!" Aoi shouts out to no one at all. Because he was the only one left in the parking lot. Alone, feeling hurt, rejected and more than anything... sadness consumed his mind like never before. As the rain kept falling, it only drenched him to the core, soaking every piece of cloth on his body. But he didn't care. It didn't matter. All that mattered to him just ran away.


	3. Chapter 3

**Title:** Can it be a happy ending?  
**Author:** Mika  
**Beta:** thethirdstone  
**Band:** The Gazette  
**Pairing:** Aoi x Reita (one sided), Reita x ?  
**Rating:** PG13  
**Genre:** Angst  
**Chapters:** 3/?  
**Warning:** Language  
**Disclaimer:** If I owned them, you'd be reading real-life photographed yaoi...  
**Summary:** The brunette drummer finally takes notice one of them is missing and for once it's not himself.  
**Note:** Sorry that this chapter just became this and nothing more... But please comment! And I'm sorry that this will shift from normal POV and Reita's POV. _Italics_ point to events in the past. And all my love goes to my beta for just being amazing, and everyone who reads this story

Reita's POV

Running, running, running...

I allow my feet to stretch out and I leap, I just let them run far away from the situation Aoi just keeps on creating. I can go wherever my feet want to take me, it doesn't really matter. Nothing has mattered all that much lately, huh? Since that day...

Normal POV

Aoi finally musters up the courage to walk inside the PSC building. His hair damp and his clothes soaked. As he walks in the small room, he only sees two of his band mates sitting inside, on the couch, neither of them talking. Uruha lost in his own world of rainbows and hearts and little clowns and Ruki.. Well Ruki was just being himself; fighting really hard to keep his tired eyes open and not fall asleep right then and there. Aoi tries to close the door silently, so he won't bring any attention to himself from either of the weirdos but he misses as the door slips and shuts with a remarkably loud sound that directs two pairs of eyes at him in a moment. He groans in frustration.

"Morning.." Ruki grumbles as a greeting.

"Did you see Reita out there?" Uruha completely drops the formalities of greetings.

"Ummm.." Aoi averts his eyes as they restlessly flicker around the room like a candle in the wind.

But he doesn't get any more time to even try to come up with some lame excuse. Kai is the next one to barge in and he isn't considerate at all when he slams the door wide open and the handle bangs into the wall which most certainly brings Ruki out of his half-asleep state of mind.

"There's no band practice today!"

"GREAT!" A shout is heard from the smallest of the three. With his dreamy smile and glittering eyes he has already started to dream about the bed that awaits for him at home.

"But..."

"Here it comes." The honey blond sighs, because he had already seen this coming, the moment Kai opened his mouth. They all should know better by now than to get lost in dreams just because Kai said something positive, he always has those fucking "but's" that come later.

"We're all attending meetings today." His voice is firm and steady and he doesn't leave any room for the other guys to argue. He was right, and it was as simple as that.

"Eh? Where's Reita?" The brunette drummer finally takes notice one of them is missing and for once it's not himself.

"I DON'T FUCKING KNOW ANYTHING!" He yells, throwing his arms in the air with an upset grimace on his face. He turns on his heels and storms past Kai and out of the door before anyone could understand anything of what was actually going on.

Reita's POV

I lift my head when I notice I'm slowing down. With the back of my hand I try to wipe the droplets of water off my face but the rain just keeps on falling. I grit my teeth, I glare out in the rain and feel irritation well up inside again. Those tears that suddenly came out... yeah, they have finally stopped and my eyes aren't burning.

Why did I cry? I don't like it...

Without looking around - I don't have to look to know where I've led myself - I just keep on walking, gulping down this familiar lump in my throat.

My eyes fall on the beautiful trees that rise high above the ground. Yellows mixed with browns and bit of reds splattered in between leave the mark of autumn. Trudging forward on the wet grass, I slow down even more and just let my eyes glide across the scenery. There are so many flowers that have been ruined now by the destroying nature of rain. When I clench my fists into balls to ease some of the frustration that keeps on building, I hiss when I become aware of the cuts my nails have made and the bitter pain is all that's left. Right then I stop. Moving my gaze away from the palm of my hands I look down and see the white surface of a stone with letters carved in black. There are no flowers that lay wet and heavy with water, in front of your grave...

* * *

"_Reita!" He calls out just as the door slams open and into the wall. Hastily he slips off his sneakers, slams the door shut again, and runs inside with a gleeful smile on his face. _

"_You're home early..." Is the only response he get when he barge into their study._

_Reita feels a bit annoyed that the other man has interrupted him while working. Still, he puts down the pencil and turns the papers upside down so the other can't see. Getting up from his chair he walks over and, with his arms wrapped around the smaller man's shoulder he leads them both out, trying hard to ignore the others silly smile. _

"_Nee, you know what I managed to do today???" The brunette says just as Reita closed the door behind them. _

"_I'm not a..."_

"_I finally finished the vocals for the new single!!" The lithe vocalist exclaims without even letting Reita give it a try to guess to the question he asked. "That means we have some days off together, nee!" Squealing and smiling he jumps up on Reita's lap when he sits down on the couch in their living room. "Do you want to go somewhere? The beach would be really cool, right? Right? Right!" Again, he doesn't let the blond man speak a word and silences him with his own mouth and he let his big hands thread through the blond hair. _

_Pressing their chests together, he silently makes it clear what he wants as his tongue licks his lips and Reita opens his mouth for the other to delve his tongue in. With one hand entwined in blond locks, he lets another slip under the white t-shirt.  
_

* * *

Reita's POV

"Long time, no see..." I whisper to you and take one step closer before I kneel down to sit in front of the tomb. I imagine you are sitting there on top of that stone.

"What took you so long?" I can hear your voice mutter with your strong eyes penetrating into me.

Averting my gaze I let out a nervous chuckle, raspy and hoarse. Why can I vividly see you there, you, who aren't there, you who I know can't be there? Why is your voice so vivid and clear? You're not the one speaking, you're not there... If you're not here, then why can I still feel the heat of your eyes on me?

"Look at me..." Your voice is as beautiful as you are handsome. It's low and dark and it always feels like daggers stabbing right through my heart.

Normal POV

"I swear that man was staring at me constantly through each and every fucking meeting!" Ruki waves his arms around with a shudder, to make sure everyone understood how angry it made him. "And what the hell was wrong with him? Just started to yell at me out of nowhere for no apparent reason!!" He groans as he throws his worn out body on the couch were Uruha sat down long ago.

"Ruki... THAT MAN WAS ME!!" Kai's face contorts in anger at the small vocalist. "You kept dozing off, moron!" he yells, his hands on his hips.

"Then don't take me with you to these meetings!! What the hell is wrong with our manager? Does he have some sort of grudge against me? Who the hell makes a man sit through 8 hours of boring talk and gives him measly a 15 minute break? If he loves me, then he's fucking sick!"

Reita's POV

My heart that is merely an organ pumping blood. I imagine it holds a deeper meaning and I can't stop thinking that everything you feel is transmitted from the heart and registers in our brain. That is what I imagine. Isn't this just a figure of speech? I am not the only one who thinks like this.

Your hand rests on my shoulder. I know it's there because I can feel the weight, I can feel how you grasp it and clutch it tightly, trying to force me to look up.

But I don't want to see your face.

"No..." And I shake my head and shut my eyes as the raindrops fall over my eyes.  
_  
_

* * *

__

His eyes look out the window where he randomly stopped in the middle of his nervous pacing, gliding over the scenery his window offers him. He stares with a blank expression. When he snaps out of it he sees the rain falling harder and the wind has picking up in speed, promising them a storm. He then blinks a few times.

"_Fuck. Why is he so late?"_

_His hand reaches for the cellphone in his pocket, his fingers wrap around it and he brings it out for his eyes to focus on the dead object his hand clutch so fiercely. With a last glance out into the darkness he makes up his mind and flips the cellphone open. He searches down the list of contacts added and wonders when it became such a long list... But as he gets closer to the first letter of your name, there's no name starting with that letter. He blinks, trying to readjust his sight, he rubs his eyes a little and stifles a yawn. Still, he can't find that name he is looking for. Gritting his teeth and narrowing his eyes, he becomes slightly frustrated, then he remembers._

"_Oh..." Is all he will let out for now. But in the next second he is crying again._

_If you had you been here and seen him cry like this, you would pout at him and tell him just about how totally un-cute he is right now. It wouldn't stop the tears from falling but he'd let out an easy laugh at the silly you. It would be good enough for you to tip toe and kiss those red swollen lips with your plush ones. And in the end his smile would be so big it would win against the tears._

_But you're not here anymore, and he has problems realizing that on occasions like these, when he thinks he can just pick up the phone and dial a number...  
_

* * *

Reita's POV

I've already forgotten about the world I live in and all the people that depend on me. The fans that look up to me. I've left them on the other side. Not caring about the rain that keeps on falling and drenching me to the core or the hair that sticks to my face, neither about the water that blurs my vision. I don't notice my body shaking from the cold and I don't see how my lips are turning a purple-blue color that doesn't look good on me. I cannot be bothered even to think about the chances of getting a cold in weather like this. I am already sick enough as it is... a cold wouldn't even compare.

I lean forward and I kiss the white stone on which your name is engraved. The tasteless stone lingers on my lips and I try to lick that feeling away but it's still there, like waterproof lip balm coating my lips and it won't go away.

Normal POV

"Ah.. The day has finally ended." Ruki squeals with his hands wrapped around the black coffee mug and he sips at the coffee with a sweet smile contrasting the bitter taste.

"Good work everyone." Comes the expected and grateful words from Kai as he places his own blue mug on top of the table.

"Why is it coffee?" Uruha question them all with a puzzled look.

"What do you mean?" Kai asks, just as puzzled.

"Sake would be better..." Could Uruha say any sentence filled with more personal character in it?

If they had seen the ripples in their half full coffee mugs as he shattered to the ground, could they have prevented any of the things to happen? Could they have been able to pick him up from the ground and save him again, give him a reason to keep trying every day?


	4. Chapter 4 a

**Title:** Can it be a happy ending?

**Author:** Mika

**Beta:** B

**Band:** The Gazette, Dir En Grey

**Pairing:** Aoi x Reita (one sided), Kyo x Reita, (one secret pairing hiding in here)

**Rating:** NC-17

**Genre:** Angst

**Chapters:** 4 a/?

**Warning:** Language

**Disclaimer:** If I owned them, you'd be reading real-life photographed yaoi...

**Summary:** Trivial things for trivial days.

**Note:** I don't know anymore (nervous laugh). Thanks for putting up with this horrid story! I love comments

Gray hair and glasses on the tip of his nose, a long, black coat. He looks like an older business man. Perhaps he is, but we won't know. It's not important. A final bow and then a smile graces his lips when he turns around to leave whoever it was he had been visiting. Because the rain has ceased and finally stopped, the air is humid and the grass is damp, the man smiles and hums when he looks up at the sky clearing up.

Wonders about what he forgot to buy for tonight's dinner. His memory has been faltering as time crept up on him. Wondering when he last went to the doctors. Will his daughter come to visit soon? How will tomorrow be? Did he remember to buy the carrots?

Trivial things we all think about when there's nothing else occupying our minds. Trivial things for trivial days. There's nothing going wrong today. Early this morning he went to the flower shop down the street to pick up a red rose. Careful in his pick, he certainly took his time and made the shop owner impatient, like he always did, once a month. It's a routine he has created. With the flower in a bag, he left the shop with a smile and a wave. Walking away and towards this graveyard for his monthly visit to this unknown person. He had been talking about all kinds of trivial things for hours. Feeling that his limbs were getting stiff and sore, he bid farewell and now he is walking towards the gate. Smiling with sunshine shining on his face.

Without thinking about much more than those trivial things, he glanced around and smelled the frisky scent that comes after a downpour. His head in the clouds, he didn't take note of the man who lied sprawled on the grass. Suddenly he jerked his head back when he did see someone lying a few meters away. Finding it odd the old man stepped out of his path and started to walk towards the man.

First he noticed the wet hair sticking to the man's face. Then how the lips had turned a pale blue. He had his eyes shut and he could only assume that the blonde man was asleep. Though, he couldn't for the sake of his life, understand how anyone could fall asleep in the rain, at a cemetery. Sighing heavily, he crouched down to the slender man's level and shook him a bit. No response. He shook him a little more. But there was nothing. He inhaled the fresh air and then exhaled deeply before he grabbed one wrist and with much effort he got the arm over his shoulder. With his other hand wrapping around the waist. He headed towards the gate once more.

He leans back in his chair, as the walk had been hard on his bones. That blonde man had been heavy and the road had seemed a thousand miles longer than usual. Pouring newly brewed coffee in a red cup, he lets his eyes wander over to the stranger he had brought in out of kindness and sighs once more when he remembers the trouble he went through to get off the wet clothes and hang them up to dry. Now he was tucked in and sleeping on a futon. Like all that wasn't enough, he also discovered that he had a fever. Probably from lying out in the rain, the old man had concluded with.

"Young people these days..." He says to himself and shakes his head, sips some more coffee and, with an approving hum he enjoys feeling warmth spread through his body with the strong liquid. He reaches out for the remote control and switches the TV on. With wrinkled hands he flips through the channels in a slow pace.

On the other side of the room Reita wakes up, groaning and huffing as he tries to get up. As soon as he lifts himself up, supporting his weight on his arms, he falls back down from the dizziness and hits his head with a loud thump and whimpers from pain erupting through his head. He fists his hand and hits the floor several times to ease of the pain, letting out the frustration. Soon after he falls totally over and can't move due to the dizziness.

"Take it easy, boy." Reita hears a meek voice speak at him from someplace else in the room.

Shutting his eyes, he tries to lay still and collect his thoughts, his hand over his eyes. The throbbing starts to ease down and disappear. He takes s few deep breathe and long exhales, his cheeks red and temperature high, wherever he touches his face, his skin is on fire.

"Where the fuck am I?" Reita groans. Still lying on the futon he had woken up on.

"You should be thanking me, not cursing at me." Said the other person in the room. His voice held a certain kind of authority in it. Powerful, and it made Reita feel small and it remembered him of when his father would scold him as a kid.

"If we're talking about being polite, I highly doubt it's polite to kidnap another person." The bassist snorts back at him. Suddenly in defensive mood, the switch inside of him had suddenly been switched to 'on'.

"It's not like anything is holding you back. Leave." Once again his voice is back to normal and it's not sending off anymore vibes. Almost... uncaring.

"..." Spreading his fingers a little, he looks through them and is met by a white ceiling. It's sort of blinding and he let his eyes fall shut again. The room is silent. Birds chirp from outside. Muffled noises fill the room but it's not really there. As they both try not to focus on anything, minutes go by and there's no words. When Reita feels that his heart is back to a steady pace, he slowly lifts himself up. This time he doesn't get dizzy from the movement so he looks around the room and sees it's more traditional than most houses these days. It's small too. Much smaller than his own place. It makes him think of when he first came to Tokyo and lived in a cramped up room. He smiles and allows himself to take it all in. Then he settles on the old man. The wrinkles are obvious on his face but he looks very kind and nice. Despite the fact that it's someone Reita doesn't know or has ever met before, he feels that he is welcome here. It's warm and reminds him of his descended grandfather.

"Can I ask you something?" Reita asks with careful and slow words. Shifting around a little, moving the blanket from his body and he rises up to walk over to the table, sits down and rests his hand in his lap. A bit tense, but more relaxed and calm than before.

"What is it?" Questions the man with no name urging Reita to go on.

"What... happened actually?" He is nervous just by thinking of what might have happened. All he knows is that he ran away from Aoi, in the process skipped practice, and ended up in front of _his_ grave. Inside, he laughs when he thinks how _he_ had been there feeling so alive sitting on that tomb. So real, when _his_ hand had rested on top of his own shoulder. It was so much right there and then when they had kissed... He laughs because it didn't happen in reality.

"Oh. I was just about to leave when I saw you lying on the ground, knocked out." Spoke the elderly man as an answer for the question he was asked. Taking the coffee pot, he poured himself some more of the steaming liquid.

Tugging on his bottom lip like he did when he was deep in thought, playing it around between his teeth, Reita tried to think about what had happened out there. Though it was like all memories abandoned him, his memory crashing when he needed it.

They fell back into the awkward silence while the blond man bit his lip and carefully planned his next words while stranger just stared him down in curiosity. Finally, he looks up and his eyes met the older man's. They locked their gazes for some time, unable to tear it away as they stare at each other, fidgeting softly, Reita is the one who breaks the eye contact because he feels like his soul is being investigated, and he isn't sure if any of the things buried in there could stand rays of light. Smiling at the nervous blond he lets out a laugh and reaches out to grab the clean cup and pours some coffee into it before he hands it to Reita and with a simple gesture he made the bassist look back at him.

"What's her name?" Kindly he smiles at the younger one and leans back into his chair and lets the tension go away from his spent muscles.

"Who?" Puzzled he asks before he takes a sip and allows the coffee to warm his body.

"Whose grave were you visiting? It was your wife, or lover, right?" Again he locks eyes with Reita but it isn't as intense and persistent as before, he isn't searching for anything anymore.

"Ahhh..." Breathing out the tension that had been clamping down at him. His shoulder slouches and his head falls down. "My lover." He whispers with sadness coating his words. "And he was not a girl." He continues, chuckling a bit to himself. He didn't know this man. Would probably never see him again either. He could take the chance to just confess and let that be it.

He sat very still as he waited for the man to say something. Something out of disgust or similar words of disapproval like his mother had the morning she unexpectedly came to visit him and who else answered the door but a well-built man only clad with a pair of polka-dotted boxers. Trying to stop him, he had run after him with an outburst of laughter erupting from his throat, but just as the door opened and revealed his mother, they were both standing there half naked and Reita behind the other, none of them laughing.

"So.. what was his name?" He asked again just as calm as he had been the entire time. He didn't sound disgusted by what Reita had told him. He didn't sound like he didn't approve of this 'abnormal' love that many people would shudder in disgust of, had you only spoken about it.

Jerking up his head, Reita tried to search the other man for his intention with asking that, despite the fact that it was clear that Reita was gay. Prying eyes that tried to burn holes into the other man in hope he could find what he looked for, but he didn't see anything but the gentle smile and didn't hear much more but those kind words.

"Mao..." He then whispered back at the man when he felt like it was safe to do so, his voice cracking and no longer able to keep the new tears from burning his eyes and fall down his cheeks as he started to cry at the pain that came staggering to his heart from less things than just the whisper of the name of the one no longer alive, whom he missed to this extend that the tears never dried up, like his feelings were a bottomless pit. "His name was Mao." Shrilling and raspy he cried out again to the older man and couldn't keep his cool anymore. With tender fingers hurt by nails digging in his palms, he fisted the pants covering his thighs. Gripping it with strength he didn't know was there.

"Shhh, it's okay, boy." Came the soothing reply, extending one arm to wipe some of the tears off the red cheeks. "It's okay." he says with a crooked smile but Reita did not see it, his eyes closed and salty tears blurring his vision.

"No, it's not okay. I miss him and it's already been so many years." Despair evident in his actions as he feverishly tried to wipe away the tears that didn't stop to fall. "So many, many years since he went away. And I only miss him. I only love him. He is the only one." Falling down he let his arms fold on top of the table and then he just let the tears fall freely and he didn't do anything at all to even try to make them stop. Just hiding his face from the other. "But now there's someone else trying to push their way inside of me where he lies. It's not okay. I don't want anyone else there. If it's not Mao, I don't want them. They can't replace Mao. No one can compare to the divine man who lies buried meters down under a pile of sand." Now and then he would choke on a word or two or take deep breaths or a sob would come out with the words and tears still sliding down his burning cheeks. Shoulders that quivered and sobs that sang a song while silence became the melody and the throbbing in his head echoed off the walls while his heart was beating and almost beating out of his own ribcage.

Stepping out on the sidewalk, a breeze of cold evening wind blew past him and ruffled his hair. Cooling his heated forehead with fluttering kisses. Casting his eyes on the ground, he started to walk in the direction of home his hand rummaging his pockets, searching for cigarettes. Trying his luck in the other pocket, he found the pack. Once he opened it, he growled in displeasure finding just one cigarette inside. In defeat, he put it between his lips and threw the empty pack in the nearest trash bin. Now indulging himself in a new search, this time for the black lighter he knows can't be far away. A few more steps down the street and he is finally clasping the tiny thing in the palm of his hand. With a smile of victory, he lit up that cigarette. Shortly after he can feel his nerves relaxing. And now the world seems like a better place. He just keeps on walking.

A few meters behind him a short blond stepped out of a building and spotted the back of the bassist by chance. It took him some seconds to register who it actually was. Without knowing why, he just let the name slip past his lips.

"Reita... REITA!" First like a whisper, like a word forbidden to speak, and then he shout out that name before he thinks anymore about what to do and what not to do.

Said man stopped and started looking around because he clearly heard his name carried by the wind. Ahead of him there's no one. And he can't spot any familiar faces to either side. Therefore he turns around and now that short blonde was right behind him. Face blank it seemed, and actually he looked a bit bored, despite that his eyes almost seemed to be on fire, burning into you.

"You are...?" Reita question because he really can't put that face to any name. It's not someone he knows. Cocking his head a little to the side and with curious eyes he looks down at the smaller man. About the same size as Ruki is, eh?

"What the hell?" Grumbles the other man who seems to be a bit older than Reita. His voice dark and deep. Eyes narrowed to slits. "You can't fucking remember my face?" Annoyance clear in his voice. He really doesn't hide what he feels that much. Especially if it's feelings of the negative sort.

"I really can't... I'm sorry?" But his apology isn't sincere and he makes it clear with that smile playing on his lips.

"Kyo." Is all he says with a grunt. Staring deeply into Reita's eyes.

"Oh.. Oh! One of Mao's friend, nee?" Reita replies back. Taking the finished cigarette and throwing it on the ground only to stomp on it. He sticks his hands in his pockets and fishes for his phone. When he brings it out he quickly checks the time and stuffs it back again.

"Was. Seriously? You don't remember me?" For a second Kyo looks away from Reita's face before the tall blond start to talk again.

"It's coming back to me now. It's been a long time, you know. You can't blame me for not remembering someone I haven't seen for like, forever." He says, letting his eyes fall to the ground. With his hands in his pockets he nervously shifts from one foot to the other. It felt awkward and he actually just wanted to leave.

Kyo didn't say anything else. He just started to move forward in the direction that Reita had been walking before he had called out and stopped him. Reita just followed him down the street. Shortly after they fell into a smooth conversation about what they had been up to these last years. Though, Reita did most of the talking. Kyo didn't seem to be a man of many words. Had he always been this way? Reita pondered. Or did something happen to him? He couldn't ask something like that, though. It seemed personal and none of his business.

It was bound to happen sooner or later, too soon for Reita's liking, but now they were here outside of his apartment building. Looking from the man to the door leading inside, he let his gaze eventually stop at Kyo's face.

"You want to come inside?" Eyeing the other he feels a bit insecure about it all, but what the hell.

"Err..." Flipping open his phone, he see the bunch on texts from a certain man and decides to ignore them the moment he flips his phone shut again. "Sure."

In another part of town a doorbell rings and a slender guitarist gets up from the couch. He strolls over to the door. Feeling a little nervous, what if it's Reita? After hesitating and battling with the voices in his head, he opens the door to reveal their brunette vocalist. He is indeed a bit shocked to say the least, at finding the small man standing there.

"Ruki. What are you.."

"Can I come in?" Ruki cuts off Aoi before he can ask that expected question. Once inside he can talk about the matters. He doesn't want to create a fuss out there in the hallway and disturb Aoi's neighbours.

Moving to the side he allows Ruki to walk in past him. A simple gesture that doesn't need words to back it up. Something that is easily understood. Once inside he locks the door. Turning around he sees that Ruki had already slipped off his shoes and walks in the living room. Ruki moves fast. He follows the other into his own living room and again he asks what is wrong.

"Now, what's up?" With a casual voice he tries to sound normal, if that's even possible.

"Why did you run away this morning? I don't know what's up, but did something happen between you and Reita? He didn't show up, but his car is in the parking lot and Uruha rode with him to the studio today. Then you go all crazy at us and take off. Something has to be going on, so tell me." Ruki has always been one for long speeches and jumping to conclusions before anything.

"Ehhh... There's nothing going on with me and Reita." Aoi quickly replies and tries to get away from Ruki by walking into the kitchen. "Do you want some coffee?" He asks as he takes out two cups and starts preparing the coffee to keep his hands busy.

"Now, the things you say is like you're trying to get me out of here as fast as possible. But the things you do, contradict you. If you wanted me to leave soon, you wouldn't ask me if I wanted coffee. So you better spill it. I don't like secrets. And I especially don't like it when my own bandmates are fighting and not trying to sort it out or ask for help."

"Fuck!!" A squeal of pain sounded from the kitchen where Reita was standing by the counter trying to cut another carrot. His hands were shaking and he couldn't keep them still long enough to just do this one simple task. Some tears were pressing in the corner of his eyes as he saw the red drops of blood that came to the surface of his index finger.

Tiredly, Kyo lifted his head from his folded hands on the kitchen table, letting his eyes trace off the article he was reading in one of Reita's many magazines. Curiously he got up from his seat and lazily stepped closer to the other. When he saw the finger and a familiar color of red sliding down it he chuckled before he grabbed the finger and slowly stuck it in his mouth and let his tongue lick around it skilfully to suck up every single drop. Once he let go of the digit he playfully smiled up at Reita who stood there dumbfounded by the action. Licking his lips teasingly he saw how Reita swallowed. It didn't take long before any thoughts of food and hunger were erased and vanished from their heads. Kyo launched forward to claim those full lips with his own. He was hungry for something else.

With the sudden weight thrown at him, Reita stepped backwards and tried to find the counter to lean on in order not to fall down on the floor. Blindly searching while a tongue suddenly presses his lips open and dives into the wet cavern of his mouth. Closing his eyes at the feel of the unfamiliar hot flesh rubbing against his tongue and exploring all there is to explore in there. Calloused fingers grab at his hips and shortly after start to travel up his back, underneath his shirt. Feverishly Kyo sucks on his tongue and draws out moans that he swallows as he pinches at one nipple.

Gripping tightly at the counter that presses into his lower back he growls when the kiss is broken to allow Kyo to pull his shirt off. He throws it somewhere away from them and let his mouth descend on another nipple while his hands work some magic on the belt buckle so he can get to the zipper, and only then to get to his real goal.

**A/N:** Oh. Like by the way, I'm really sorry to everyone who is rooting for Aoi. But... things might turn out for the better for him... And I don't write this story anymore. It's my muses who write it themselves... Suddenly someone just pushes their way in and I can't stop them before they have a rather important spot in the story. And this was supposed to be longer, but I decided to split it into two parts instead.


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